When you change in a marriage....

I read this blog today and it really hit home: here

It is a blog about how people get divorced just because someone has changed. And the reason it hit home with me is because that is exactly what happened with my divorce. I changed, he didn't like it, he cheated. We divorced.

I remember having a conversation with my ex husband a few years after we got married. It went something like this, You have changed. I do not like that you have changed. No one changes. Why can you just stay the same? I stayed the same, why can't you? I remember sitting there and arguing with him telling him that everyone changes. No one ever stays the same. People grow. People become better. You laugh, you cry, you live your lives together. I know I am not the same person as I was when I was 18. Gosh I hope not. I grew up, I became a mom. I learned what my responsibilities were. My priorities changed from when I was 21. When I was 21 I worked, went to bars, partied. When I became a mom 4 years later, of course my priorities changed. I changed as a person. I bettered myself for my child.

It is all too easy for people to just give up just because one morning they wake up and do not see the person they married. I, for one, think that is a great thing. Why would you want to wake up next to the same person you married?

Marriage is all about work. You have to work to stay together. You have to work to be better, do better. That is another conversation my ex and I had. I do not want to have to work at a relationship. I just want it to come easily. Why can't it just work between us? Why do we have to work at this?

I am not a relationship guru. I have just been through a marriage and divorce. The people who I get my advice from are my parents who have stayed together for 20+ years. Anytime I have ever needed advice I have always gone to them. They are the one's who informed me that marriage is work, and I was willing to put the work in. I was willing to grow with my PARTNER. Because that is what a marriage is. It is a partnership. You are two people growing, learning, sharing, and trying to live one life together.

So next time you wake up and look at the significant other and think, "jeez they have changed." Look at how they have changed. No one ever stays the same. We are constantly growing and that is a great thing.